I will be 50 in another couple of weeks. With the way the things had been happening I thought it was time to take a stock of things around and look at the possibility of taking corrective actions so as to bring back the kind of life I lived during the years between 1992 till 2005. That was the time when I had taken certain deliberate decisions and made special efforts to create a better and happier life for myself and for those around me. I think at that time I was practicing happiness. Come what may, each day would begin with morning meditation and a chat with the rising sun. It will end with my eyes looking at the night sky filled with stars wondering if ever moon would visit me sometime. I think, I was truly living in a state of bliss.
But then, life suddenly took a turn.. Three road accidents, hypertension, heart problem, typhoid etc. – every year saw me getting acquainted with my body a little more closely.. A difficult time that when the person who would often show the path to others found himself groping in dark! Happiness became like a friend living in distant place who would call up to say 'Hello' on occasions. My books, companions for years, turned in to sources of information instead of inspiration. Picture of confidence lost its shine and it was dust of fear & doubt that covered it. Yet I wasn’t able to accept the reality. For me the world was wrong and there were conspiracies all around. People were trying to destroy me. I followed the age old adage –talent must pay the price - and since I considered myself talented I too was being made to pay the price or so I thought. I didn’t realize at that time that everyone was busy fighting their own battles and hardly had any time to indulge or get involved in my life.
And then as always happens – a sudden revelation! I wasn’t enjoying life. I was deteriorating. I had to go back to my own ‘State of Bliss’ where I had stayed for many years before migrating to this current ‘State of Negativity’. I took a short break so that I would be able to introspect and have a journey in to my own inner space which I had seen from outside during my Angiography. I restarted reading books with greater intensity which once again turned in to sources of inspiration and not only information. I Am Another You, Change Every Thing When Every Thing Changes, Outliers, The Professional, Go Kiss the World, The Dolphin , Peaks and Valleys, One Minute Apology, Blink, What the Dog Saw , The Secret, Beyond the Secret, Eat-Pray and Love, I Have Lived for Thousand Years, The Power of Intention etc. etc. – I read and read and read. And suddenly the things started becoming clearer. I began to jot down each and every learning with a fresh perspective.
Basically, I was not able to handle people well as perhaps I was not able to understand the dynamics involved in working relationships which had this tendency to change with any change in the surroundings. I was often having difficulties in interpersonal relationship having fallen in the trap of ‘I AM OK YOU ARE NOT OK’ mode of behavior. And therefore my focus for learning had been to accept people as they were without expecting anything in return. This change alone would bring back those beautiful days.
And as I continued with my efforts, I learnt that in any given moment each person is compelled to act and behave as per his or her own level of understanding developed over the years of living based on his or her circumstances. So nobody in that sense can be wrong. A person could give me only that what he had. I learnt that I must refrain from passing judgments or evaluating people / events. Perhaps, the only major source of unhappiness, that ! I learnt that what I needed to do was to look at myself and adjust my own behavior to ensure that I did not fly off the handle often and to try and keep myself under control.
Easier said than done! Reacting to people and events had become second nature. Exactly opposite to what I had seen of myself in those twelve happy years when I was experiencing all that is written in “The Secret” , a book that has the magical powers to change destinies. But then I had to achieve what I had set out for. I needed to have some Mantra that would keep me on track that would make me attain happiness on a continuum.
As they say if you want something with great intensity, you attract it in your life. I was sitting and wondering when suddenly like a flash a few thoughts got interlinked and manifested themselves in such a way that I got my path, my Mantra. I don’t know why and how I recalled having read a book very many years ago in which the hero of the book a business tycoon keeps visiting countries cruising in his yacht . At one particular place as his yacht moves away from the shore he looks at the City as it starts fading away in the horizon and says, “ Yet another place that could not hold me”. I started thinking. If not places, I visit moments through which people, events, happenings, things, places etc. get manifested and based on what is experienced I feel happy, sad, bad or mad, whatever. So can I hereafter start practicing happiness and create many more moments when I should be able to say, ‘In spite of carrying negativity on its shoulders, the moment gone by failed to upset me in any manner. Wow! Thank you, God!’ And it appeared to be a good way of giving oneself strokes for positive behavior even if one finds oneself in an uncomfortable situation. I have started practicing this Mantra with some heartening results. Situations would arise when otherwise I would have reacted extremely aggressively straining my vocal cords, but nothing of that sort happens because I make deliberate effort to practice happiness. Hence I have learnt to stop myself at red light with patience, take a pause at yellow and move on when green with a smile. It feels very good whenever I find myself repeating the sentence, ‘In spite of carrying negativity on its shoulders, the moment gone by failed to upset me in any manner. Wow! Thank you, God!’ Oh, what a bliss! Any repetition of this sentence gives me joy and pleasure.
Well, join me and we shall together practice happiness.
But then, life suddenly took a turn.. Three road accidents, hypertension, heart problem, typhoid etc. – every year saw me getting acquainted with my body a little more closely.. A difficult time that when the person who would often show the path to others found himself groping in dark! Happiness became like a friend living in distant place who would call up to say 'Hello' on occasions. My books, companions for years, turned in to sources of information instead of inspiration. Picture of confidence lost its shine and it was dust of fear & doubt that covered it. Yet I wasn’t able to accept the reality. For me the world was wrong and there were conspiracies all around. People were trying to destroy me. I followed the age old adage –talent must pay the price - and since I considered myself talented I too was being made to pay the price or so I thought. I didn’t realize at that time that everyone was busy fighting their own battles and hardly had any time to indulge or get involved in my life.
And then as always happens – a sudden revelation! I wasn’t enjoying life. I was deteriorating. I had to go back to my own ‘State of Bliss’ where I had stayed for many years before migrating to this current ‘State of Negativity’. I took a short break so that I would be able to introspect and have a journey in to my own inner space which I had seen from outside during my Angiography. I restarted reading books with greater intensity which once again turned in to sources of inspiration and not only information. I Am Another You, Change Every Thing When Every Thing Changes, Outliers, The Professional, Go Kiss the World, The Dolphin , Peaks and Valleys, One Minute Apology, Blink, What the Dog Saw , The Secret, Beyond the Secret, Eat-Pray and Love, I Have Lived for Thousand Years, The Power of Intention etc. etc. – I read and read and read. And suddenly the things started becoming clearer. I began to jot down each and every learning with a fresh perspective.
Basically, I was not able to handle people well as perhaps I was not able to understand the dynamics involved in working relationships which had this tendency to change with any change in the surroundings. I was often having difficulties in interpersonal relationship having fallen in the trap of ‘I AM OK YOU ARE NOT OK’ mode of behavior. And therefore my focus for learning had been to accept people as they were without expecting anything in return. This change alone would bring back those beautiful days.
And as I continued with my efforts, I learnt that in any given moment each person is compelled to act and behave as per his or her own level of understanding developed over the years of living based on his or her circumstances. So nobody in that sense can be wrong. A person could give me only that what he had. I learnt that I must refrain from passing judgments or evaluating people / events. Perhaps, the only major source of unhappiness, that ! I learnt that what I needed to do was to look at myself and adjust my own behavior to ensure that I did not fly off the handle often and to try and keep myself under control.
Easier said than done! Reacting to people and events had become second nature. Exactly opposite to what I had seen of myself in those twelve happy years when I was experiencing all that is written in “The Secret” , a book that has the magical powers to change destinies. But then I had to achieve what I had set out for. I needed to have some Mantra that would keep me on track that would make me attain happiness on a continuum.
As they say if you want something with great intensity, you attract it in your life. I was sitting and wondering when suddenly like a flash a few thoughts got interlinked and manifested themselves in such a way that I got my path, my Mantra. I don’t know why and how I recalled having read a book very many years ago in which the hero of the book a business tycoon keeps visiting countries cruising in his yacht . At one particular place as his yacht moves away from the shore he looks at the City as it starts fading away in the horizon and says, “ Yet another place that could not hold me”. I started thinking. If not places, I visit moments through which people, events, happenings, things, places etc. get manifested and based on what is experienced I feel happy, sad, bad or mad, whatever. So can I hereafter start practicing happiness and create many more moments when I should be able to say, ‘In spite of carrying negativity on its shoulders, the moment gone by failed to upset me in any manner. Wow! Thank you, God!’ And it appeared to be a good way of giving oneself strokes for positive behavior even if one finds oneself in an uncomfortable situation. I have started practicing this Mantra with some heartening results. Situations would arise when otherwise I would have reacted extremely aggressively straining my vocal cords, but nothing of that sort happens because I make deliberate effort to practice happiness. Hence I have learnt to stop myself at red light with patience, take a pause at yellow and move on when green with a smile. It feels very good whenever I find myself repeating the sentence, ‘In spite of carrying negativity on its shoulders, the moment gone by failed to upset me in any manner. Wow! Thank you, God!’ Oh, what a bliss! Any repetition of this sentence gives me joy and pleasure.
Well, join me and we shall together practice happiness.
Your comment on my blog has elevated my spirits and now this blog of your's reminds me of the protagonist of 'The Pursuit of HappYness'. Your self-belief is so vividly portrayed in your blog that it inspires the reader as does the script of a good book.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rajat, lets continue to interact thro our blogs. You know life may not appear to be beautiful but it's indeed very beautiful. And to continue from where we left yesterday - It is said that a man without dreams is like a sky without stars, or shall I add like a Garden without flowers.. well doesn't matter. Happy to see you having dreams and working to make them come true! All the best!
ReplyDeleteThanks Rajat, lets continue to interact thro our blogs. You know life may not appear to be beautiful but it's indeed very beautiful. And to continue from where we left yesterday - It is said that a man without dreams is like a sky without stars, or shall I add like a Garden without flowers.. well doesn't matter. Happy to see you having dreams and working to make them come true! All the best!
ReplyDelete