Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Shadow of Highrise - Haiku


Haiku Written for
Leo's Haiku Heights..

Prompt: Urban



Homes of birds
perish silently;
nests of concrete rise

***

Shadow of high-rise
on my window;
Sun rises…


Well based on the comment I try a visual to express the first one:


Fallen tree;
cuckoo sits and sings in
Man's nest of concrete


RS:)

18 comments:

  1. i like the first one too...its too cool, and true too

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  2. nests of birds perish while concrete nests thrive. this is reality and very well-expressed.

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  3. I prefer the second. The first one is an interpretation or a statement, which goes against the imagistic purpose of haiku writing. Keep at it Ram!

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  4. Hey! That reworking is really good and carries a lot of the traditional qualities expected of a haiku. Having the fallen tree in the initial fragment by itself before developing why it had fallen in the phrase section helps expand the haiku in my mind from an image to an action of not only man's world but how nature copes with man.
    Sorry if I seemed prescriptive earlier. I've just been reading in some books and journals about what makes and doesn't make haiku. I think if we are going to call our poems haiku then we have some responsibility to keep to how haiku writers themselves define their work.
    Basic rules so far seem to be:
    1) stick to 2-3 juxstaposing images
    2) use a fragment and phrase rather than one long sentence
    3) let the image speak rather than be didactic
    4) do not break up ordinary language syntax - the haiku needs to flow from the tongue like natural speech
    5) rely on natural speech rhythm patterns to give a poetic edge to the haiku rather than use effects like rhyme or pun.
    There are stacks more but that's a good place to start. I'm thinking it would be great to have a wordpress haiku site where the formal rules of haiku writing are made explicit and only the entries that meet the strict criteria remain on the site as a learning tool
    I'm new to haiku writing myself so having such a site which demanded more of the writer would be a really good learning tool.
    Big Love!
    Xx

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    Replies
    1. Hey, this information would help all...Your effort to write it all here is much appreciated..Thanks!!!

      RS:)

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  5. oh how depressing
    concrete highrise darkens our
    modern horror age

    True Ramesh!

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  6. Urban jungle of concrete blocks is indeed scaring away nature. Very well composed Sir, esp the last one, the imagery it creates is stunning and stark :)

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  7. sombre reflections, beautifully expressed

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  8. Man's nest of concrete...powerfully said. Wonderful haiku

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  9. I realize that I live in paradise compared to many of the people in the world. No high rises, no crowding, A mocking bird lives in a tree outside my bedroom window.

    The concrete nests for birds are a reality. It is sad that the fact is so true. You wrote powerful haiku...
    for me to keep in mind. The water and the fish are in peril here...over fishing for one. Contamination for another.

    Appreciate the message that I will remember.

    Peace
    Siggi

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  10. I really like the second one too...it has a visual appeal.

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  11. Beautiful...spreading concrete jungle..very well expressed

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  12. I just loved the second and third one, Ramesh. And learnt a few basic things from flatfrog's comment. Appreciate his effort..

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  13. That first one is brilliant...written so well. Poor displaced birds.

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  14. nests of concrete rise
    shadow of high-rise

    well said..brilliant haiku :)

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