Sunday, March 28, 2010
AH, GOOD TO BE A ZERO!
The story starts from the moment I was born. Within moments of my birth God whispered in my ears and told me, “Hey, now that you have come to live a full life on earth, let me tell you one thing - I have fixed your value as ZERO and there are my reasons for that which you will know when the time comes.” My infantile ears heard and let the words seep inside my mind and then some discerning cells received them and the process perhaps took them in deepest corner and hid them there. Today I know that this happened on command from God perhaps with the intention that when time comes and I make effort and show courage to delve in to those corners, the hidden words would glow, become visible and help me get answer to perhaps the most haunting question of my life that I might have to face.
But obviously by the time I started taking first steps and began to coo and scream, I had absolutely forgotten what God had said to me at the time of my birth. Let us now see how it all got evolved as I continued to move forward in life. People spend their lives struggling, doing things they want to do along with those they don’t want to do with one major objective i.e. of finding their own value. What’s my value, or how I am valued by those around? – Questions everyone wants answers to.
Having lived for about 50 years, when I looked back at what I had done or I had been trying to do, I found that I was not able to get the fruits which the results of my actions deserved. Be it my family where my own cousins deprived me of my legitimate share in property for endless years, or my colleagues who with my inputs would be able to perform better and get recognised, or those ahead of me who would use my talent along with their own abilities to reach higher echelons or when the one who wasn’t even present will be appreciated for the overall conduct of a New Year Party in spite of the fact that every aspect would be looked after by me, or a childhood friend for whom one spent uncountable days listening and then who would say that having grown-up with distance of years in between one can’t claim to be friends any more, or someone quietly cutting my wings and tying my feet exactly at a time when I would be readying myself to take a plunge for a flight to the higher skies, or someone mercilessly stealing some beautiful promising moments that would beckon me to fill my palms with them just before I would be able to pick them out of the flowing stream of time or getting insulted by some people who somehow didn’t know about the direct role I had played in giving them better lives – and so on i.e. situations where I would be connected with someone else never favoured me with gifts of recognition or prosperity . And that’s been the pattern of my life which continues even today.
But then what is indeed interesting is that my own talents when exhibited in my own independent cut out roles brought a lot of glory and recognition and fame and rewards and yes, some amount of prosperity too. Some occasions which saw me getting rewarded and recognized for my performance in my individual roles have been independant assignments at work, winning numerous competitions in individual sports or in writing poetry , or publication of a book, or compeering a number of programmes, etc. also brought gifts of happiness and joy which kept me going. Yet whatever situations demanded others to value or appraise me, I found that results were not what I would be expecting. Not that I expected beyond what I deserved, yet lingering feeling stayed that I never got my due.
Obviously, looking back at my life I was able to see a clear pattern. The situations where my direct contribution in any area of activity would be visible helped me move forward but where it hadn’t been visible in spite of a strong presence, it won’t get or receive its due. And the pattern that emerged proved one thing very clearly that I lacked practical intelligence due to which perhaps I wasn’t able to get my due whenever someone else had to decide on any rewards using various parameters. And I realized or perceived, as many would like to think or say, I was never valued in line with or at par with my talents and capabilities. What could be my value? I would often sit wondering aloud. None could answer for me as I continued to explore ways to break the pattern.
One day when I was in deep contemplation almost in meditative stance I suddenly saw a big ZERO glowing in front of me as if set ablaze by the forces around. In that instant I was transported back to reality. I opened my eyes and sat stunned for a few moments. ZERO – what should it be denoting? Could it be my value? Am I a big ZERO? And then suddenly the clouds melted and I could clearly see exactly what it meant. I kept thinking intensely. Yes, in the ways of world I had been a big ZERO. With whom so ever I was attached and he decided to keep me on the right side, his value had got enhanced. In some cases doubled or tripled too. The one under whose control I had been trying to grow became infinitely powerful duly aided by his own very high degree of practical intelligence. It’s true. I could distinctly see many situations where one had chosen to keep me on the right thus gaining on the way. But nothing had changed for me. My ‘value’ had remained fixed.
I continued to dwell in my thoughts. One more thing which I had personally ensured – some had innocently chosen to come to my right side, I mean put me on their left , but then I had not attempted to put a ‘full stop” between them and me lest their value reduces. Therefore, I could never learn keeping anyone under me. One had to be on my side , whichever didn’t matter. I had quietly accepted everything. Yes, from a purely limited perspective, perhaps I had reached the real meaning of being a Zero. It had been evident from whatever emerged out of whatever short analysis I had done. But then the thinker in me shouted, “ No, it can’t be that simple. Think, think and think some more..” I didn’t have an alternative. My thoughts became deeper and deeper and that’s when I lost all sense of time and without knowing started a journey of my own inner space to the deepest and darkest corners of my mind and that’s when it happened – the word ZERO sprang in front of me glowing in all its glory and the words began echoing , “now that you have come to live a full life on earth, let me tell you one thing - I have fixed your value as ZERO and there are my reasons for that which you will know when the time comes.” Hidden deep somewhere in my conscientious, the words had surfaced and I could hear them as clear as a spotless sky. I had a vague feeling of having heard them earlier too. These words had to be the message from God.
Somehow I had always believed in God talking to me on occasions and I distinctly remember the moments in my life when I had followed God’s word with full conviction. In fact I had restarted a new life based on one such message only. And the entire pattern became absolutely clear. Yes, Zero meant ‘nothingness’ but then for me God might be having some different meaning, something deeper and more important. It cannot be only in materialistic sense I had been thinking. I decided to explore. It is said that Zero, denotes ‘nothingness’ but then Zero also equals Infinity . Zero is also looked at as as the 'Whole' of all numbers. So what did God mean by saying ‘I have fixed your value as Zero’? Did it mean that I had to live a life of fullness? Did I have to be a ‘Whole’ person? Did it mean that I need not restrict myself in any boundaries… Boundaries of expectations, needs and greed …etc.? Did i mean I had to just keep on living accepting whatever came my way; helping whenever the need arose or somebody wanted help? Did it also mean that I had to feel complete, a state which would always lead to contentment & Happiness?
Yes, it meant all this and much more and exactly what God wanted me to pick up from his message. Let the world consider me Zero and define me in its own materialistic way, but then I now knew what exactly Zero meant. Obviously, whenever I will get attached with one, one’s value is going to get enhanced and that’s what should be something quite normal. Living a boundary-less life, I need not get confined within the petty feelings of expectations of getting materialistically enhanced. Having been able to finally reach the hidden treasure, receiving the message and decoding its true meaning, I think I am already feeling enhanced. Isn’t it then good to be a ZERO?